I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just invented taco cereal.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize