she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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