saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize