SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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