I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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