Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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