I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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