Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize