you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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