You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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