hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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