Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize