Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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