3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize