the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize