why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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