he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize