I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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