So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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