im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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