I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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