Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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