Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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