dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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