Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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