she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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