if you like me you must not know who I am
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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