Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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