Where is the hickey?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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