he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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