Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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