who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize