Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize