I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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