I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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