I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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