and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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