Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize