I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize