I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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