I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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