They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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