even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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