Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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