bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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