I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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