I think I won the penis lottery.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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