he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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