It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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