My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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